The details of why aren’t important to how I’ve found myself in the deep South two of these past four weeks … and not that I’ve lead a sheltered life or anything, but trips to this part of the country are somewhat rare.
Just like 150 some odd years ago the South to me is like a country in and of itself. The people are deeply caste … there are have’s and the have not so much. In general the “have’s” are educated, dress nice and are tolerantly arrogant. The “have not’s” are ridiculously friendly.
So, as service to my Thinc Spot readers, I’d like to share with you some do’s and don’ts as it pertains to travel in Dixieland. My loose cannon behavior helped to educate me on just where their sensitivities lie and just how tolerant they are of others. Here’s a true, tried and tested top 10 rules to follow when you’re drunk, it’s late and you’re more than 250 miles south of the Mason-Dixon line.
1. Introducing yourself as Jefferson Davis is surprising offensive to everyone but the bartender who ironically looks exactly like Samuel L. Jackson.
2. Deer season starts January 1st and ends December 31st.
3. While in the South you need to be a fan of one of these college football teams: LSU, Georgia, Alabama or Florida. Clemson, South Carolina, Florida State and Arkansas are tolerated … everyone else is felt sorry for.
4. Tobacco doesn’t cause cancer … de-segregation does … at least that’s what the old white people will tell you.
5. Camouflage can be considered semi-formal attire in some parts of the South.
6. We pretty much forgot about the civil war … hell most of us couldn’t tell you why it was even fought. Not in the South. They remember that shit like it was Tuesday.
7. The South drinks whiskey like the rest of the country drinks water.
8. The women of the South are generally attractive and not the least bit interested in sleeping with anyone they haven’t known since 6th grade. Don’t go there to get laid because it ain’t happening.
9. The accent is deceptive … these people are actually pretty intelligent. Don’t let the accent fool you.
10. “Kill Whitey!” as a public bar toast is not funny to anyone … except of course the bartender who ironically looks exactly like Samuel L. Jackson.
The South is a great part of the country that is often times over-looked when it comes to tourist like travel from fellow Americans. Great cities, great beaches and great people … the South will rise again! Yet another bad public bar toast…ask me how I know.